Please tell me what you think of my short story??

It is a normal spring day, and i decide to have my lunch break in the local park, the weather is good, warm enough for summer clothes, yet not hot enough to complain about.


I sit on a bench under the shade of a tree, the wind blowing through the tree cuausing shadows to dance on the well maintained lawn. The park is a hive of activity today, an assortment of people, professions and past times. A man walks past me in his well pressed buisiness suit, he is not much younger than me, he is talking on his moblie phone, a little to loudly than nessesary, trying to sound important to those in earshot of him, or trying to sound imortant to himself.


An elderly couple is sat on a picnic blanket on the lawn, there silver hair shinning in the afternoon sun, homemade sandwhiches and cakes in brown paper bags, their faces are content, yet their eyes tell a different story, for after a life time of love, sharing and companionship, should one of them pass, the other would be truly alone.


A young female runner runs past them, her tonned body a billboard for her generation, her even strides cushioned by the latest running shoes and designer sunglasses to block out the sun. Her body is covered by tight fittting running clothes, to either enhance her performance, or to leave those who look at her an object of desire, sexuall and envious.


She runs past a group of teenage school kids, as she passes the boys they mimic the bounce of her breasts with their hands, much to the annoyance of the girls who roll there eyes.


A young coulpe walk past hand in hand, smiles on their faces as they watch their young toddler kick a bright orange ball, he squeals with delight, his rosey cheeks and innocent eyes oblivious to the hardships he will one day face, but for now he is content will sugar coated treats and colourful images on the T.V.


A small bird takes my attention, a sparrow i think, he is doing a little hop tupe of dance in front of a cluster of bushes, he then darts into them, comming out with a small bug in his beak, he then flies up into a tree, He returns moments later to do the same thing again.


Yet the more I watch his antics the more I wonder about him.


I wonder if he is feeding his young, is this instinct that drives him to do this, or is it a parental love? Will he get frustated if he can not get enough food?


Will his little heart swell with pride when his young take flight for the first time? Does he know of love? Does his heart skip a beat when he sees his mate? or will it break when oneday she does not return? Does he know of fear? will he cower in the tree tops when a storm comes crashing down upon him? Does he know of racism? Do other birds treat him unkind because he is not the same breed as they? Does he know of joy? will he sing that little bit better when the sun is shinning on a clear day? Does he know of God and the creation. Is he aware of me as i am of him, and knows of man, war and death?


If he is aware of all of these then i feel sorry for him, for why should he suffer the follys of man, and yet if he is not aware i am eqaully sorry for him for the wonder of life is a thing to behold and the joy and sorrow it brings is a thing to be shared by all.

Please tell me what you think of my short story??
I liked it. How in the world did you get all that on the page? I can't get a lot of my poems on the page. You have some grammar/punctuation/spelling problems but I'm sure you can go back and redo those. I have spelling problems because I have dyslexia. Other then that it's really good. Keep writing.
Reply:it's ok.





real.





how about you add up some conversations.. like you know some "quotation marks" ?
Reply:It's really good!... there are quite a few spelling and grammatical errors, but I'm sure you know that. It's wonderful, though, I really got a strong image in my mind of the park and the surroundings... I love how you made the character look outside of him or herself... there aren't enough of those kinds of stories these days, where the author has the selflessness to make his or her own characters so selfless and observant of others around them... I myself even have that problem, but you seem to have mastered the art of "describing the scenery"!... keep it up! :-)
Reply:Nice story! Though those gramatical errors exist but its ok as i just needed to understand the story and not point out your mistakes like what all have done! Keep writing........



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